worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
