my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
