it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
