Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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