I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
