what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
