I must be too annoying 4 u.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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