I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
