I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
