I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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