i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize