I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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