I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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