I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
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