My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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