Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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