Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i out mim tonsoeep
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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