My first STD was from a foam party
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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