fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know her cup size but not her name....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
