it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
