been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
