I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
