He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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