just tell him i said nine months
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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