so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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