3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
