70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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