I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they need to just BURY HIM!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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