Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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