Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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