Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
