The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
