How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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