this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
