I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
