Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
