Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
