I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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