Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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