2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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