hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When are your genitals available?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
