Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize