And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
