like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
