I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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