Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
