you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
