Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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