Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
