i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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