I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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