So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
