I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
