2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
