Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
