Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
