He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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