Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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