I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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