The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
