For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
