we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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