i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
