we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
