So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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