ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
